You Can’t Pick Your Family but You Can Pick Your Mentors: Who are you picking?

Eugene Richards and Ralph Basui Watkins
October 9, 2014 - Atlanta, GA

Some of us are lucky enough to have families that we enjoy being around because we share a common set of values, goals and dreams.  There are others who have families that don’t embrace your worldview and as a result you don’t feel close to them.  They can’t nurture your dreams or celebrate your desire to constantly remake yourself.  In the case when our family members can’t be the supportive nurturing network we need it is up to us to find that network we need for support.

It is idealistic and unrealistic to expect our family to be this totally supportive network.  When it comes to family, it is what it is.  Don’t hate your family for what they are not.  Define your familial relationship in ways that are healthy for you and then move on.  I have found it necessary to draw close to people who see the world as I choose to see it.  I know that I am “different” and I don’t expect certain folk to get me so I get with folk I get and want to be like.

I think it is important to establish reference groups.  Reference groups are those people who represent what you want to become.  For example in my area of photography there are certain photographers I admire.  One such photographer is Eugene Richards.  I admire both his work and the person that he is.  Eugene is a person of integrity, moral character and he is transparent.  His work is about relationships.  He cares for the people he photographs.  He doesn’t tell their story but rather he becomes a part of their story.  

I had the chance to meet Eugene last week and talk with him.  While I have everyone of his books and I have followed his career that meeting was more than what I expected it to be.  He was humble, kind, gentle and patient.  He took time to talk with me, answer my questions and give me advice.  Everything I thought he was he turned out to be.  When I heard Eugene was coming to town I made it my business to be at the lecture, front row and to stand inline as long as I needed to talk to him.  I was going to press my way to make a connection that I was hoping would confirm who I thought he was and affirm who I am becoming.  It HAPPENED!  Who are the members of your reference group? Are you seeking them out?  Are you trying to meet them and connect with them?  Do they know you exist?

http://www.eugenerichards.com